I would love some feedback from you on today's post. It's one that I think I'm still working through, and am hoping that as I write, I might discover my own convictions are already hidden in there. But as I get started, I'll be honest and say that I'm still processing....
The question has recently become, 'Am I willing to be "That Mom."
You know the one.
Hypothetically, of course..... let's just imagine for a moment ~
You've gone to an huge amount of work to put together the perfect party for your child. The children have been invited, the cake has been made, the decorations as well as your house are exactly the way you'd like them to be, and right on time the guests begin arriving. The noise levels rise, the squeals of delight begin to fill the air as the children do what children do, and the hum of parental conversation begins to flow.
You start making the rounds, speaking to mom's you know well and some you don't. You catch a falling breakable mid stride, put it back and pat the little culprit on the head and send him on his way without missing a beat. (You are a mother, after all. It's what you do.) Feeling confident, if not slightly tired, you glance over to see the see the pure glee on your birthday girl's face and you know you've hit it out of the park.
Floating on that knowledge, you resume your rounds and that's when you see her. She's down on the floor, talking to her child, who isn't happy about not getting the piece of cake he knows is coming. She's reasoning with him, he's acknowledging as if they've had this conversation before, and then he goes off to play. You can't say why, but the scene bothers you just a bit.
Does she have to be 'THAT' mom? you think.... After all, it's a party and everyone else is going to be having cake and ice cream and going home with a goody bag full of yummy treats. She isn't really going to deprive her child of that, is she? I mean, can't she just let him have fun for once? One time isn't going to hurt him! You struggle to maintain your euphoria, but before you know it, That mom has stolen your joy.
Or has she? Was it her, really?
Somewhere in there you felt a judgement, or condemnation from her because of her choices.
Her choices are different, and therefore somehow tell you that yours are wrong.
Did she say that? Is she That mom? Is she the one who bombards you with the reasons she's right and you're wrong and then continues to pester you or point out your shortcomings - all the while eating carrot sticks from her prepacked cooler and drinking her coconut water while wearing her matching jogging suit and homeschooling her kids and teaching them to play the violin? whew.
or is she that mom, who has simply decided to do things differently despite what's normal.
that mom happily accepts your invite to the party, all the while knowing she will have to watch her children once again wrestle with and struggle to be comfortable with being different.
that mom will accompany them with her happily bought gift, knowing that her own desires towards sugar will be tempted and tried as well.
that mom stands alone in a crowd of people. She will present a brave and confident front, while inside she is praying to God that she's chosen what's right for her family. And then she prays some more for the strength and the wisdom to then guide her family down a different path.
that mom will face the stares and the possible questioning looks, and she will engage them in topics other than food and more than likely about themselves, while she wrestles with her own insecurities and hopes the smile on her face appears as genuine as she really is.
She's not the bad guy. But she is that mom.
Am I willing to be that mom? How secure am I in my choices? How strongly have I decided to commit to this lifestyle change - because it doesn't just affect me, it affects my 3 cave babies for the rest of their life.
When I began my journey this summer, I was drinking at least a coke a day, eating chips and any candy I could keep around. I was fixing big ole' southern meals full of the best fried chicken and mashed 'taters you'd ever eaten. I have had 3 babies, and although I'm one of the lucky ones who survived without stretchmarks, I'm afraid I was proudly wearing something much worse. Belly fat. Booty fat. Upper thigh fat. Upper arm fat.
I am only 5'4, but I love to work out. I love the edge so much that I decided kickboxing and I were meant for each other. But even thought I was working out every single day, boxing, running, pulling tires up small hills in a single bound ~
I was getting thicker. And I was feeling worse. I felt good at the gym, but not in the rest of my life. I was on depression medicine, struggled with bouts of unexplained rage and moodiness and regularly stocked up on Ibuprophen for headaches, Prevacid for stomach issues and Advil cold and sinus for the ever present allergies.
Fast forward to this past month... where my family is now totally gluten free, striving towards Paleo and just completed our first family sugar detox .... and I find myself in the place of that mom. Without sounding like I'm singing my own praises ~ this is the part I'm wrestling with.
I am that mom. But how do I embody and embrace that mom without alienating those around me?
How do I still fit in my social and familial circles, and not make everyone else uncomfortable or at the very least, make them feel as if I expect them to 'assimilate because resistance is feutile!'
I want my children to enjoy parties. I want them to enjoy life. Which do I want them to enjoy more?
I want to enjoy parties. I want to enjoy life.
Which do I want more?
I met that mom this weekend. And I have to say that she has caused quite a stir in me. By her quiet example, she has forced me to look harder ~
and I'm grateful.
Allow me to go a little deeper here and say, that I believe there is a process by which things are 'refined.'
Refining Silver
Some time ago, a few ladies met in a certain city to read the scriptures, and make them the subject of conversation. While reading the third chapter of Malachi they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse: "And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." One lady's opinion was that is was intended to convey the view of the sanctifying influence of the grace of Christ. Then she proposed to visit a silversmith and report to them what he said on the subject.
She went accordingly and without telling the object of her errand, begged to know the process of refining silver, which he fully described to her. "But Sir" she said, "do you sit while the work of refining is going on?" "Oh, yes, madam," replied the silversmith; "I must sit with my eye steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured."
The lady at once saw the beauty, and comfort too, of the expression, "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." Christ sees it needful to put His children into a furnace; His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for them. Their trials do not come at random; "the very hairs of your head are all numbered."
As the lady was leaving the shop, the silversmith called her back, and said he had forgotten to mention that the only way that he knows when the process of purifying is complete when he sees his own image reflected in the silver....
--Author Unknown
If I am to follow this logic, then the refining process of my new way of thinking/ eating has begun. I don't have to be ashamed at my failures along the way, as I learn where I stand. I don't have to apologize for not getting it right all the time.
What I will do, though,
is pray daily for the wisdom to continue to love those around me, without the expectations of change to my way of thinking. I will continually strive towards excellence in my own family, and towards grace to everyone else. And I will continue to foster acceptance of myself - understanding the refining takes time unlike assimilating where there is no choice involved.
I hope everyone can find that mom - or that friend - or that spouse. That one that makes you believe it's possible for you too.
~
Today begins round 2 of my 21 day Sugar Detox. If you haven't already done this, I highly encourage you to do so. No matter where you are in your journey, there's always room for a challenge. The detox is only 21$, is well worth the money, a quick read and a resource you can use for the rest of your life. Get it. Then do it with me. That's an order.
Ok. Well, maybe it's not a real order, but a strong suggestion?... or I could beg?
Or not.
Favorite find: packing lunches http://paleoparents.com/featured/primal-kitchen-getting-buy-in-for-real-food-lunches/
Favorite Article: What about your arteries? http://www.eatmorefat.com/2012/01/16/but-what-about-your-arteries/
Crazy Motivational Video: Alex Honnold http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7383158n&tag=contentBody;storyMediaBox
Favorite website: 10 real life reasons why the primal blueprint works http://www.marksdailyapple.com/10-real-life-reasons-why-the-primal-blueprint-works-for-me/#axzz1jqbaGkxG
