Getting Real : Pt. 1 Food (is my) Drug Administration

 Addiction.   

That one word just sounds dirty.  

Only bad people do that. 

 It feels negative and heavy and for people who come from bad parts of town and grew up with bad parents.. and bad manners.....  and, well - 

that's a lot of   'bad.'      

Maybe that's too harsh. 

Maybe it's not really bad people, it's just that they don't have the self control and they fell on hard times and ....  

that still sounds bad.  

What if good people have addictions?  What if people with self control have addictions?  What if YOU have addictions?      No?  

 Ok.  Fine.        I'll start.

Hello.  My name is Bethany and I'm an addict.   I've been clean now for 5 months. 

  

Wait -  don't judge me?   Did you judge me?!    Because I know those somewhat unconscious thoughts that flashed through your head.  "Oh.  An addict.  Hmmmm  wonder what she's addicted too..   Glad I don't have that problem."   

Today I want to talk directly to those of you struggling to clean up your act.  Maybe you're addicted to food. Maybe it's exercise?  Maybe it's facebook?  Nah.... 

But for the sake of targeting that someone I think needs to hear this today, I'm talking about being addicted to food. 

"We all make poor choices against our better judgment. It’s kind of what makes us human – the tendency to actively and willfully make decisions that will result in unfavorable outcomes. Sure, the candy bar tastes good, but you know you’ll feel awful after eating it. Yeah, that blog is fun to read, but you know you’d be much happier if you finished that essay for class first. And yet five minutes later, a candy bar wrapper sits, emptied of its contents; your molars house fragments of nougat and sport a caramel sheen; light nausea approaches; and you find yourself wading knee deep through comment sections, MS Word window minimized. What just happened? Why did you do those things that you told yourself you wouldn’t, that you warned yourself against, and whose negative ramifications are already coming to fruition – just as you predicted?

Last week, we began the dialog with my introductory post on akrasia – the act of knowingly working against one’s own interests – but we didn’t get into any details. Today, I’m going to try to provide a few answers. I’m going to delve into the reasons for akrasia, particularly as it pertains to making bad eating choices. I won’t discuss psychological issues, per se, instead focusing on physiological explanations, but keep in mind that the two are often one and the same. You can’t really separate the mind from the body (well, without killing the person, that is).

Whether we pick up the phone to order takeout, open the candy wrapper, shove the spoon into the jar of Nutella, or accept the offered slice of cake, we are making a decision. Most health experts say making the healthy decision is a matter of willpower. So that if you make an unhealthy decision you simply don’t want it badly enough. Like Bob Newhart in that old Mad TV sketch, they seem to think all you have to do is just “STOP IT!”

Well, it’s not that easy. Otherwise, folks wouldn’t be making these decisions that go against their better judgment. Otherwise, they’d indeed be “stopping it.”

So why do we do it?"

Read more: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/8-reasons-why-you-act-against-your-own-better-judgment/#ixzz1ncKEoAnJ

If you haven't already, you should go read that entire article. 

I won't try to re-do what he's so eloquently stated.   

What I do want to do is tell you that you're not crazy.

 You're not defective.   You aren't 'less than' these other people you see having success at changing their eating. You don't have less will power, and right now - you don't even have the ability to just 'stop it.' 

So there.      What I didn't say though, was that you are not to blame. 

Not in the blame you're a bad person kind of way, but the only way things are going to change for you is if you are honest and can out loud say where you are. Really are.  Not sugar coating it (haha), not dressing it up but really laying it out there for at least you to see.  And then owning it.

No one sets out to be an addict. 

 Let's be honest.   No one thinks it will be them.  

But if you've ever tried to stop eating sugar or breads for a short time, you can be the first to testify as to how flippin hard that is!!!   

Why is that?!  It's just food, right?       I mean, so maybe I like sugar.   (insert head roll)   I deserve it. I mean, I've got 3 kids, I'm a stay at home mom who homeschools, my husband works a lot and I've recently moved across the country to a place where I know no one.    Dang if I don't win the brownie! (once again, name that movie ) 

And honestly, when and how did that stupid brownie become an addiction for me?

You know what I'm talking about.  That little piece of chocolate heaven can turn a grown woman into a full blown temper tantrum throw myself on the floor 2 yr old.   Oh lordy.  

  

That food talks.  It back talks.  Then it screams.  It taunts.  It reasons.  It hands you the excuses.   It begs.

It will make you pitch a fit like no other when you discover that someone has taken your last piece of chocolate!!!!!!!   

Here's the part where you can begin to change things.  You have to be ready.    

That's the key.   

You.  

You are the only person you can control, so you have to be ready.   Ready to make some tough decisions.  Ready to stop listening to your excuses.  Ready to take the hard road, not the easy bake one.  And ready to be in it for the long haul. 

This isn't an overnight fix.   It's a lifelong journey, and a complete lifestyle change.  

That's big.   Honey, that's really big.   That means you have your work cut out for you.   But you know what, I totally think you can do it.   Oh yeah,  if this southern fried born and bread on mashed potatoes and coconut cream pie lady can change her ways, you can certainly do this. 

The Greek definition for 'strive' is ~

agónizomai: to contend for a prize, struggle

Original Word: ἀγωνίζομαι
Part of Speech: Verb
Transliteration: agónizomai
Phonetic Spelling: (ag-o-nid'-zom-ahee)
Short Definition: I strive, contend
Definition: I am struggling, striving (as in an athletic contest or warfare); I contend, as with an adversary.

 Notice the words 'agonize' and 'striving.'       

I'm going to just tell you right now, that both of those things are going to happen while you strive to change your life.   And I'm also going to tell you, that if you will keep your eyes on the prize then you will have what it takes to get you there.     You will fail.  A lot.   You will have setbacks.  Probably a whole lot.  But you will know that you are striving ~  continuing to push towards what lies ahead, and that you will never arrive but will only get better at striving towards your goal.  

I hope that gives you encouragement and the freedom it gave me.  To know that I didn't have to be perfect at it, I just had to keep trying.  Keep pushing.  Keep looking ahead so that the choices I had to make that were hard sacrifices in the beginning, had a purpose.  And that purpose was always leading me towards my goal. 

Ok.   So how did I do it? 

I decided I was tired of being fat.  Be that 20 pounds or 100, fat is fat.  I decided I was tired of making excuses.  I was tired of not being able to do it.  I was tired of looking in the mirror and literally hating what I saw.  I was sick. I was on depression medicine and still struggling to face the day.  I was rewarding myself at every opportunity with crap that I really didn't want, and I was tired of being powerless to change it. I was tired of comparing myself with others and always coming up short. I was tired of being tired, and I wanted things to be different.

So I took one thing out.     I started with Coke.  I wanted to see if I had enough determination to quit just coke.   So I did.    Was it easy?   Honey, just because I can write the words 'I quit coke' doesn't mean I didn't do it kicking and screaming.   But finally, after 2 years of making excuses, I wanted the prize more than I wanted the coke.     And that's been the defining factor for every choice I've made since then.

{  This prize?   It's mine.  No one is deciding it for me, and only I can make the changes necessary to reach it.  When I could see that as a real possibility for success instead of the constant opportunity for failure it had always been.}

The same is true for you!!     And can I just encourage you that something magical begins to happen when you begin to take these steps for yourself?   Can you just trust me enough to take that first step, believing that the prize is waiting for you?     

Can you look ahead for just one week, and tell yourself you are taking today and striving towards that new you?  

 Because if you are continuing to strive, sweet heart you realize that means you cannot fail.      Because the goal is not to arrive.  The goal is to continue to strive.    

So find that one thing today.   Remember - agonize is part of the journey.  So find the thing you think you couldn't live without, and set out to conquer it instead of letting it continue to conquer you.  

Let me leave you with some words from Bellatrix Nutrition ~

  When will we see the most obvious fact of modern life and modern illness? Man-made things are harming us and nature’s natural things have always been there to help us. The more we have of the former and the less we have of the latter, the more ill health we risk. The final trouble is that food, drink and drug companies are bigger than many countries and they want to grow even bigger. Food and drink makes us fat and sick and we then need drugs and surgery to manage obesity, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, damaged joints and limbs – it is a perfect symbiotic relationship. " -- Zoe Harcombe

 Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.

Getting Real: Let's Make a Deal!

"Are you smarter than a 5th grader?"       

There were a lot of things I didn't like about this show, even though the premise is pretty funny.     But then again, I don't like games.   Or game shows, for that matter.  People are put on display with the sole purpose of determining how much or how little they might know - for the whole world to see, and then when they fail the whole world sits back and gets to have a good hard laugh at their expense. 

 NOT my kind of fun.

But I also don't care for practical jokes.  Don't like to play them, don't like to be the butt of one and it physically hurts me inside if I have to watch one played out on someone else.    I know..  sometimes they are really funny  but the joke is always at the other person's expense.  Why is that funny?  
   
I guess I've always rooted for the underdog, and my heart hurts a little more than it maybe should when I can tell someone else is hurting.

Which brings me to my thought for today ~

Why can I have so much empathy for others in pain, but can't extend the same understanding towards myself?    Do you do that?     Do you have much more patience for others in pain than you do when it's you?

It's a game, isn't it?   It's all a mind game... but why?     
Why would I chose to play a game with myself that I would never ever play to someone else?

 I've spent the last week on the injured reserve list. Nothing major, but enough to put me completely out of the gym for 2 weeks.   Interestingly enough, when the pain and isolation from the gym began - so did the mind games. 

'Am I really good at this anyway?   Am I ever going to be a real athlete and not just some girl at the gym?   Do I have what it takes to make it?  What if this injury never heals, or worse yet becomes a real injury and not just a slow down?'

As the pain screamed louder and those old tapes of worthlessness started to play in my head, I  began to realize that deep down inside, I didn't want to play this game. 
 So instead of letting those old tapes play, I tried something different.

 I reached out to those who could encourage me, even though my head was telling me to just quit.    I took their words to heart, even though my pain was telling me it would never stop.   And I focused on the act of recovery, even though my condition battered me with doubt.

In a way,  I began my own version of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?' and I called in a few of my lifelines.




You know when you watch that particular game show,  there are some questions those people should just know, right?!  I mean, come on...we've all yelled at the tv because the answer is so clearly obvious.

Yes.              Well.....

Sometimes, when you're under pressure or under stress, what you know and what you think you know are seriously put to the test. And some times, that part of you that honestly knows the right answer, really can't come up with that 'right' answer.

So when I really didn't have the answers I knew I should have - I reached out to those I trusted who could answer for me.

           "When it starts getting uncomfortable, those are the reps that count the most."    

I would challenge you to think about your thoughts and feelings during a trial, much like you think about the reps you do when you're in the gym.             Practice doesn't make perfect my friend... perfect practice does.    

  So if we continue the 'rep' of being down on ourselves and immediately doubting our abilities at the first sign of failure... that's not a perfect rep we've just practiced.   All we've done is just another bad rep.... And now, we have to do 2 more correctly to undue the one we just did wrong.     

But, if we're willing to apply perfect practice to our daily thinking and daily trials, how much different would our life be once that practice really did produce perfect?  If we're willing to see that the way we've been thinking will no longer get us to our goals, and realize that it's going to take work, and determination, and that we're going to have to fight to change those thoughts from negative to the positive -    and if we remember that the moment we realize we are 'uncomfortable' in life, we are quite possibly '5 minutes from the miracle ' as my coach-lifeline so wisely reminded me... THEN, and only then will we have done our first perfect rep.   

Somehow,  I need to learn to trust my knowledge and my own 'lifelines' and begin to practice perfect reps of giving myself the grace to fail and the encouragement to get back up. But until I get there, I intend to keep reaching out to those other lifelines who can speak the words for me until my heart can speak them too.

Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle.  It's really just one more rep.   You can do that, right?   Just one more.... and before you know it, that old game you used to play where you put yourself down because that's what felt right -   
well it no longer feels right because there's a new game in town.

Play it with me.  

.
Here is an excellent blog posts on the stresses of Keeping Your Head in the Game and if you don't mind a few bleeps, then it's well worth the read!
   
 


 

Getting Real ~ The Fear Factor

fear

noun

1.    a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage, security, calm, intrepidity.

2.     a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights. Synonyms: phobia, aversion; bête noire, bogy, bogey, bugbear. Antonyms: liking, fondness, penchant, predilection.

3.    concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety.

4.    reverential awe, especially toward God: the fear of God. Synonyms: awe, respect, reverence, veneration.

5.    something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension; something a person is afraid of: Cancer is a common fear.

 

 

 

 

What are you afraid of?       

 

Lately, I'm finding that fear is a much more powerful emotion than I care for.     It creeps in when you need it the least, and it can very easily find a way towards beginning to take root.  

 

Fear.       

 

Fear of failure.   Fear of loss.    Fear of defeat.   Fear of pain.

  

Or the fear that's hidden by The What-if's....   What if I'm not good enough to be in this sport?   What if I get hurt?   What if I'm not strong enough to lift this weight?  What if I never Rx that workout?    What if I fear the bar?    What if I fear the rings?  What if I'm too fat to go to the gym?    What if they laugh at me?   What if I can't lose this weight?    What if I'm bigger than everyone else?  What if I'm not as fit as everyone else? What if I fear myself?

 

Myself?    Why me?    Why would I fear me?

 

Because I'm my own worst enemy.       I am what's standing between me and my current goals. 

  

 

  

I am the one who doubts my abilities.   I am the one who second guesses my choices.    I am the one who lacks the confidence to trust what I know to be true.   

 

Myself.   Me.     I.    

 

and fear.  

 

 Fear wants me to quit.   Fear would like nothing better than to beat me at my own game.    Fear would like to tell me that the unknown is too far out of my reach, and that goals like that are for others, not for me. 

 

Fear threatens my happy.   Fear attacks my self-esteem.   Fear drowns my  successes in the pool of my failures.    Fear leaves me vulnerable to attack.    Fear tells me to run, don't stay and fight.

 

But fear doesn't know that I have a choice.

     and I  chose not to listen to fear.   I chose not to hear it's voice.  and I chose not to give fear another moment of my time to waste.     Fear no more.

 

Today I chose strength.   And today I chose determination.    

 

                                         But most of all, today I chose ME.  

 

 

 

 

I chose today to believe I'm worth it.    I chose today to set fear aside and take that first step.   I chose to walk forward instead of dwelling on the path that didn't lead me to my goals.   And today, I chose me.

 

Chose you today.   Chose to believe you can reach the unattainable.   Chose to listen to your knowledge instead of your heart - because maybe your heart has been broken too many times and it doesn't yet believe what your knowledge and logic can tell it.    Chose today to see the positive in that unusually cloudy circumstance.   Chose today to give yourself grace to fail, and then chose to believe that 

   'Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.'  ~Winston Churchill 

 

When was the last time you chose to believe in you?    

 

Maybe you don't have a group of friends who believe in you.  Maybe you don't even have 1 person you feel believes in you.   But you do... and it's you.     You teach people how to love you.    So begin by showing them that you are worth loving.   Begin by taking that step towards a goal no one thinks you can reach.. and then take the next step, and the next.  Until before you know it, YOU believe in you.   YOU believe you will make it.   And YOU believe you are worth it.    

 

Let fear be the factor that pushes you to destroy it.   Let fear be the motivation behind your impending success.    And let fear then fall by the wayside, as you walk your way down victory lane with your head held high - with success in your hands and fear at your feat.

 

Chose to walk today.    Chose.      It's up to you.